The true story of Geeta, as shared with me, “From a Prison of Fear to a Flight of Freedom” (her name has been changed to protect her identity). Picture used for representation. Thanks to artist Shailesh 2020
Geeta was a beautiful young lady who got married and her horror story started soon after, suffering psychological abuse.
*Name has been changed
Geeta’s Story
Psychological abuse was something that Geeta never heard about. This word does not pop up in the dictionary of most Indians. Being the youngest in a happy secure home with loving parents and siblings, she studied hard, and at 16, she went for further studies to another state, independent and a topper in all that she did because she worked hard. She was a successful and beautiful young lady, empowered to bring out treasures within her.
Later on, she got a job in a big multinational company and stepped into a great position in a managerial role. During her tenure there, she met a man who was interested in her, colleagues in different subsidiaries. He later proposed a relationship and courted her for three years. Being much older, with an age gap between them of over ten years, she was 29 and he was 40 when they got married.
Geeta strode into her new role as wife and suddenly found a strange stiffness in their relationship. She suddenly found he would flare up suddenly, and get angry with her, and while is not uncommon for some spouses to be more prone to anger, she discovered a frightening obsessiveness about him. If they were out at a public gathering and she happened to glance in the direction of another man, he was rant and rage blaming her for being interested in that man.
One day, as they were driving through the traffic and stopped at the red lights, another car stopped near them, the man at the wheel looked into the car and Geeta glanced up. As their eyes met for a split second, her husband drove the car a little ahead and ordered her to get out of the car. He accused her of being interested in the stranger! He then drove away leaving her alone. Geeta managed to find her way home, terrified at the strange behavior of her husband.
She realized he was eroded with fears and insecurities. If another man so much as looked at her or complimented her on her beauty, he would fly into fits of jealous rage and taunt her. This magnified over the years becoming an ugly monster destroying their marriage. Geeta lived in a prison of fear. One day, she took a big decision and fled back home to her father’s after three years of their marriage realizing it was a horrible mistake.
However, her spouse persistently coaxed her elder brother to play mediator and they were reunited after he swore to her brother that he would change. She returned to him in good faith, a mistake she regretted forever.
Three months later, Geeta conceived and then gave birth to a son. Soon after the birth of the baby, Geeta was shocked to discover that instead of rejoicing over the baby, her husband got jealous of him! Geeta started to resent him. Was this a normal man who could even get jealous of his own child?
The situation turned disastrous because there was a constant tussle for him trying to gain her love over the child, his harrowing reached unbearable levels.
Later on, Geeta started her job again. Sometimes, it required her to travel abroad. Since Geeta and her husband had met as colleagues at work, he could not stop her from working but heavily resented her traveling abroad. While her foreign trips gave her mental release, it unleashed greater insecurities and rage in her husband.
However, Geeta was miserable at those times being apart from her young son who also dreaded seeing her pack a suitcase to travel for yet another foreign conference. Her son started to get affected by the abuse and started to get nightmares.
Geeta’s spouse threatened to take his life if she ever left him. He made attempts to deliberately crash their car while driving even with their young son in the car when he was fighting with her. He even attempted to stab her though never actually stabbed her.
Geeta’s father lived to see the marriage unravel into abusive psychological warfare when he lived with them and this tore his heart.
In the meantime, her friends and family started sensing something was wrong and were worried for her safety all the time.
A Unique Turn of Events
One day, a unique turn of events transpired suddenly out of the blue. Geeta was invited to an event launched in a professional institution. Mysteriously, fate took a new turn in her life and this led to a series of many developments. As she sat transfixed through the conference wide-eyed and shocked, her life started to unwind as she took in the truth that she was a victim of the warfare of psychological domestic violence.
She was aghast that she, highly educated, qualified with a fantastic job was actually a prey of a perpetrator who was actually very dangerous. Not only was he targeting her mind, and destroying her mental health but also breaking her spirit by constantly deriding her and putting her down with ugly demeaning comments, telling her she was worthless and useless.
With this stunning revelation that shook her senses, she later bravely sought professional counseling and guidance. After some time, she traveled to visit her sister overseas and her eldest sister decided that they needed to take concrete steps to get her free.
It was not an easy task as her husband was not willing to let her go. Geeta realized at this point that according to Indian society, people look down on divorced women and would probably blame her if she separated from her husband but she did not care what the society thought anymore because she was seeking her own peace and protection for her child and herself.
In her tough, emotional journey ahead going through the divorce, the legal proceedings were concluded quickly by an unbiased good judge. Her ex then stalked Geeta and her son repeatedly abused harbingering that she would remarry and that upset him.
He eventually realized that she would never remarry as Geeta said that after ten years of intense abuse by a man, who could think of remarrying? With this discovery, he finally left her alone.
Geeta got healing through her supportive understanding young son, her strong spiritualism, and help from her immediate family. She then took on a more challenging career role in senior management that took her on frequent global travel, sitting in many foreign boardrooms presenting and influencing strategic decision-making for organizations.
Geeta’s Message to Women Suffering From Domestic Psychological Abuse
Geeta tells us that we often think domestic violence is worse than emotional abuse, but emotional abuse is equally harmful leaving scars on the soul which cannot be erased forever.
During her free time after she formally trained with a professional institution, sharing awareness in training sessions and also counseled victims of domestic violence.
She also says when asked that marriages and relationships can be given a chance of resolution with professional assistance but not at the cost of a life. The fear of parental abandonment, societal stigma, lack of monetary support and their professional reputations do prevail. So all these concerns should also be addressed.
Geeta vigorously emphasized that anyone experiencing domestic violence whether male or female, professional or otherwise, whether it is physical, verbal, or emotional, to assess their situation realistically and do what is right for themselves and their loved ones.
She advises that they should seek pro bono or paid professional help to counsel them, including their spouse not forgetting the children who carry the invisible scars too. A marriage is a joint partnership with both appreciating each other and growing old together. Children are the gifts of this partnership and deserve happiness. Please do not remain a silent
Psychological Abuse is as Lethal as Physical Abuse
We live in a society where Indians only sit up seriously when a woman is being thrashed. If there is no physical violence, people rarely take a woman’s case seriously. However, verbal abuse is psychological warfare inflicted on its victims with such intensity that they can be pushed eventually to take their lives. The victim is constantly targeted, and reduced to a bundle of nerves, leading to depression, fear, and terror. Geeta took the right step by walking out taking her child along with her or they would have been destroyed in that toxic atmosphere.
There are many like Geeta who battle domestic psychological violence in varying degrees and facets. People from all walks of life and even professionals of the male gender too are ashamed to speak up or seek professional help on the escalating abuse within the walls of their homes; however, one must seek help early, and never ignore abusive psychological warfare which is as lethal as physical abuse. Like Geeta, many women can be set free from a prison of fear to a flight of freedom.
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