The Hand of God – Heema Sonowal Gautam
A wonderful testimony of courage in her quest for her faith.
Heema Sonowal Gautam (Manju), Manipur/Assam
My Early Life My name is Heema Gautam (Manju). I am the only daughter of Parsuram Sharma, a well-known Hindu priest. My family lives at Game Village, Imphal, Manipur, India. I have seven brothers, two of whom are also Hindu priests. Being the only daughter of my parents, I was loved and cared for by my family and relatives. We belong to the highest Hindu caste i.e., the Brahmin caste. My father is a highly respected and honored man in our community. My mother, Manmaya Gautam, is a hardworking and faithful woman, deeply devoted in her belief in Hinduism and is a faithful worshiper of idols. Both my parents are strong devotees of Hinduism as of course my father is a Hindu high priest.
My family is originally from Nepal, but they settled in India in the northeast state of Manipur, Imphal, which is bordered by Nagaland to the north, Mizoram to the south, and Assam to the west; Burma lies to its east. Manipur is a land of hills and valleys and even plain, with mostly mild pleasant climate, sultry hot monsoons, green landscape of plants, tall grass, reeds, bamboo trees and trees. I had a happy childhood in a wonderful home with loving parents. I grew up in a mixed community of people and in this melting pot of cultures, I learned to value and respect other people’s cultures and accept people as they were. I learned a lot of values from my parents and they had a very important role in my life. My mother had a great impact in my life teaching me many good things and she helped me to understand the principles of life, how one need to be as a women and I honor and love her. I have three other brothers who are also Hindu priests and are Hindu devotees, devotee singers and serve their gods in the temple.
I was greatly interested in my studies from childhood and I achieved a few awards when I was in school. I used to represent school competitions like science completions and general knowledge competitions and received prizes making my teachers proud and on the whole, those childhood days were busy and full. We had everything in terms of worldly wealth and comfort.
Being born and brought up in an orthodox Nepali Hindu family, I was accustomed to performing many of the rituals that the religion requires, more so because of being the daughter of a priest. I was devoted to my father’s religion. Worshiping idols like Mahadev, Sun god and many other goddesses, besides frequent visits to temples, were part of my normal routine. I used to think that riches are all I needed in life; I did not care much about what would happen after death. But in all honesty, living an apparently religious life, worshiping idols with sincerity and dedication never gave me any satisfaction. Deep down in my heart I always felt a sense of emptiness. True joy and peace of mind were things I had never experienced. Often at night I would cry myself to sleep, overwhelmed by inexplicable sadness and the feeling of being lost. In this way, I spent twenty years in darkness without knowing the true and living God whom I serve today.
My Encounter with Jesus One day, in the cold month of November in 2006 in Imphal, I met a Christian girl named Rebecca. We soon became good friends and we shared our little secrets. She then told me about Jesus Christ and how He died to save sinners. Although I listened to her out of respect for our friendship, I had no interest in what she was saying nor did I think she was saying anything significant. Though we had our differences in beliefs, as time went on, our friendship remained.
One day she invited me to her church, which was near my house. I was reluctant to go at first, as I had never been to a church before, but then I finally decided to go. The day I set foot inside the church, it was to become a defining moment in my life. As I sat on the church pew sitting among unfamiliar faces, a strange thing happened – I felt a sense of inner peace which I had never known before. This experience was so unusual to me and I suddenly realized Jesus was real! I knew something was very different from that moment and I was drawn to know more about Jesus. From that day on, I began to attend church regularly, albeit, without the knowledge of my parents. I knew I had found the Way, the Truth and the Life. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior on November 18, 2007.
The Jagged Road Soon, my family came to know about my faith in Jesus and things turned bad for me from then on. The normalcy of my life vanished. My family vehemently opposed my decision, and understandably so because to them it was something unimaginable in the house of a Hindu high priest. So they made all kinds of attempts to make me change my mind. When these did not work, they started mistreating me; I was continuously subjected to all sorts of threats and emotional blackmail. My faith in Christ did not shake. I soon wished to be baptized. The path towards baptism was a shaky one and this had to be cancelled twice as I was not allowed to leave my house, but God made a way soon and I was baptized on July 28, 2008. I felt I had made a very important decision for Christ on this day.
In the midst of all the opposition, the desire to know more about the Word of God grew stronger in my heart. I soon began to pray strongly for a way for me to go to a Bible College. It seemed impossible for something like that to happen to me as I knew no way to do it and had no finances as my family would not support this of course, but God’s answer came wonderfully after a couple of weeks of prayer. Reverand Kampu Haokip visited our home unexpectedly. He was a complete stranger to me. He was God sent, because he had no idea about me. He soon got to know about my new found faith and passion and he was delighted to know about it. He calmly assured me that he would help as much as possible in this regard as he was aware of the difficulties I was now in. He was the one who later introduced me to Grace Bible College, Churachandpur, Manipur, India.
Meanwhile, as my zeal to learn His Word grew stronger, so also did the opposition from my family. One day my mother asked me to follow her to a solitary place, a small clearing of grassy flora and there, she started to weep bitterly, pleading with me to forsake Christ and return to Hinduism. I was deeply pained to see her crying like that. It was one of the most heartrending moments of my life to see my own mother sobbing in desperation, begging for the one thing I could no longer give her. I knew Christ was real, I had experienced His wonderful presence and peace and I had dedicated my life to Christ and vowed to follow Him come what may. That moment, utterly helpless, I cried out God and asked for the strength to overcome this emotional challenge as I loved my mother so much, and He did give me the strength to overcome. This memory still breaks my heart today.
My parents were broken-hearted about my faith in Christ, and my father, unable to bear the shame I had brought upon him, tried to commit suicide by drinking poison. Thankfully, through God’s mercy, he lived. My mother sank into a deeper depression and could not get out of it. The tension mounted in the house to such a degree that things got very bitter and bad between them that they even separated for some time.
By now, my family had discreetly made plans to send me to Delhi to be with my third elder brother, also a Hindu priest. When I got to know of this plan, I knew I had to do something quickly before they could send me away, or else there could be no telling what would happen after that. I quietly made another plan of my own – to leave home and join a Bible College. Early in the morning of July 30, 2008, I quietly tiptoed out the door, with nothing but a small bag of clothes and my Bible in my hand. And as I looked back at what I was about to let go – my loved ones and the sum of my worldly existence – I could not help fight back the tears welling up in my eyes. I had no idea where I was going, or what the future held for me. Yet the God for whom I was leaving all these behind already had the future in His hands, and that was the only certainty I needed to rely upon God.
After this, my family totally disowned me. Since that day, I have been practically homeless. I am no longer able to return home.
From the day I left home from 2008 July till today I have been experiencing God’s hand leading me in my Christian journey. It is God who gave me victory over all trails and temptations who made me strong and firm in my faith. But I experienced His hand on my life mightily on 28 December, 2008. On this night my fourth brother tried to kill me as I went home to see my mom. He saw me and chased me away and he was about to hit me with the intention to kill, but I ran away and hid in a neighbour’s house. He entered the house, looking for me and though I was hiding near him, he did not see me! I felt the presence of God that day very powerfully and personally. I was reminded of Daniel’s story, Daniel in the Lion’s Den it was a lion’s den moment, but God protected me supernaturally!
Warm Sunshine and Rain In this painful period though I suffered rejection from my family, I found great strength and help from God. I kept fasting and praying and He stood by me and helped me to stand firm in Him. He sent help through His amazing people with whom I have been able to stay, from one family to another until today. They all have become my new family. He provided my needs each day and continues to do so, day by day.
My salvation is the highlight of my life. I could understand the love of God. I experienced that God is the Father of the fatherless and through all my family, brothers, and loved one rejected me because I choose to follow Christ, God never fails to embrace me with His hands, He never fails to provide my needs. I joined Grace Bible College in Manipur in the years 2008-2013. During those days at Grace Bible College, I really felt God’s Presence every step of my life, I feel very close to God. These were the times where I exercised my faith and saw God miraculously working in my life. These were the times that I learned to trust in God for everything. These were the times when I experienced miraculous healing of sickness after fasting and praying for 3 days. These were the times when God used me to witness His faithfulness in parts of India, Nepal and Burma, even in Northeast parts of India namely, Manipur, Mizoram, Shillong, etc. During these days I used to spend much time in prayer alone. I still remember praying 4-5 times a day. God used me mightily even as a student to share His words and sing in different churches and encourage believers through prayer and fellowship. There were wonderful teachers in my life who also have had a great impact on me. I have learned a lot from my teachers of my previous college where I did my Diploma in Theology and Bachelor of Theology. To be under their guidance in a seminary was a great experience. They are great blessing to me, as they taught, shaped, trained me well with the Word of God to stand strong in faith and commitment for the service of the Lord.
Friends do really play important role in my life, especially my prayers partners like Lunkim, Johnson, Lialian- there are many more friends who are so admirable for the dedication and passion they have for God, but I would like to mention Lunkim and Johnson. Mentors do play most important role in my life, Dr. Didin, Rev. Luaichinlkang are my heroes in my Christian till today. They impacted me greatly by their daily walk with God, especially with regard to personal devotion. I know they give first priority to God and I am trying to follow their good examples and walk closer to God in my Christian journey. After completing my Diploma in Theology, I continued with my further studies there and was conferred a degree in Bachelor of Theology in December, 2013. While my family has tried hard to come to terms with these changes, I am still not allowed to step inside what used to be my home. There were countless occasions when I would miss my parents and brothers terribly. Needless to say, my brief journey so far has not been easy. But God has been so good and faithful to me. Not only did He take care of me but He also takes care of my family – they are fine till today. And I know, He will never leave me nor forsake me. All the hardships I have had to endure for Him I count as blessings; they pale in significance when compared with what He has done for me.
After I had joined Bible College, my family tried their best to bring me back to my old faith, by promising me worldly possessions, they promise to give me best education and fulfill my dreams if I listen to them and go back to Hinduism, but I know that was a time of testing so I denied all those promises and continued to follow Jesus.
My past experiences have taught me that the Lord is faithful, and He surely does provide for His children and His Hand is on me, leading and guiding me.
Psalm 18:28 You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.
Heema is now married to Asmujjal Sonowal whom she met in Bible College, , his story is given here, “When God Calls.” Heema studied her MBS in Asian Christian Academy and also in Manipur, Grace College earlier. They now have a baby son!
Rita
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