March 20 – Courage in Toxic Relationships
Gen. 31:6–7: And you know that with all my strength I have served your father. But your father has tricked me, changing my salary ten times over, and yet God has not let him do me harm.
Sometimes, our own family members or a company we work for, a boss can manipulate and persecute us to the point of driving us to mental breakdown. As we see in Jacob, his uncle cum father-in-law worked against him even though Jacob gave twenty years of loyal hardworking service to him. Laban never valued it nor rewarded him accordingly. Perpetrators never value people. Victims finally don’t have enough money to sustain themselves or family, while their perpetrators live lavishly. This will breed bitter roots. These are toxic relationships of persecution, where those people are slowly killing your spirit, joy, and will to live. You finally become like a caged bird and forget how to fly. Remember, courage is not always in remaining but in leaving, sometimes.
Joel Osteen says, “You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It won’t happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, ‘I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life.’”
If you find your spirit being crushed, this too is a kind of persecution. If you live in constant fear of your family or boss or company, this is a kind of persecution. In Jacob’s case, he had to finally flee. If you find yourself in a toxic relationship with someone, this is what you can do:
Start first by praying much for this toxic relationship. Seek God’s direction, should you leave or should you stay. Sometimes, people change when we pray for them. It is possible! If it is violent, you would have to leave. If people stay too long, some have even lost their lives. If you stay too long, bitterness also will erode you and one day, you may attack your oppressor because of pent-up anger within.
Talk to wise people about this relationship, get their insight.
Pray for your toxic companions. This is the will of God, and He will start working in them. Sometimes, it will take decades before we see their change, but you may have to move on, you cannot stay in this relationship or its toxicity will poison you too. Some people who remained in a toxic relationship ended up killing their perpetrators because bitterness eroded them as I said earlier.
So sometimes in family or company persecution, separation is necessary, even if it is temporary. It brings healing to us and also gives an opportunity for the abuser to introspect on his or her evil ways. According to the Jewish Midrash (Shir Hashirim Rabbah 7:1), Jacob’s escape is celebrated in Heaven: “Six hundred thousand angels rejoiced and danced when Jacob fled from Laban’s house.”
Rita
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