Jan went through the flood, the fires and the water, and with her astounding courage and the hand of God on her life, she came out stronger. An amazing testimony of the beautiful daughter of the King.
Janet McGoldrick, Scotland
Luxurious Days In the eyes of the world, I had a privileged upbringing. My father was a diplomat and we lived a life of luxury with money, status and power. We travelled all over the world, and I had the best education money could buy. I did not understand the value of money as I had everything I wanted, and I was a very spoiled child indeed. At the age of nine, I was sent to a private ladies boarding school, one of the best in the UK. I would fly home for all the holidays, even the shorter half-term holidays, as money was never an issue. There was a little chapel in the boarding school and I loved sitting there, and learning about Jesus. I think I had a pre-salvation draw to Jesus. At sixteen, I left and went to a famous ex-patriot college in Madrid, Spain. After that, I finished my education in Paris at a finishing school studying French language and culture. This was the education my parents chose for me. My aim in life, according to them was to have a good marriage and live the lifestyle I was accustomed to. Over the years, I met an American diplomat and he seemed to be The Man. My life was mapped out laboriously for me; it seemed everything was falling into place neatly. I would become the wife of a first secretary who was on his way to becoming an ambassador just like his father and grandfather before him. The endless years of entertaining in diplomatic circles loomed out before me, babies, and the next generation of our children becoming diplomats! At that time, I needed time and some space of my own to see if this was really going to be my future, as it all appeared to be so predictable and a drudgery. I suddenly felt overwhelmed with marriage and the trending patterns in my family lines and decided I couldn’t do it. So I walked away. Now, since that time, I’ve so often looked back and thought why didn’t I just carry on and do what was expected of me, it would have avoided so much pain!
Travel and Change After this, I did some modelling and then got a job as a flight attendant based in Bahrain. Soon, I was flying all over the world visiting exotic countries. I noticed I was very different from my fellow workers. I did not drink, party or mix with others. I was a very quiet and reserved woman and my posh accent got me the reputation for being aloof and proud. People branded me anti-social and kept away from me. I did have my own moments of pure exhilarating joy as I enjoyed riding my beautiful horse and driving my 911 Porsche whilst I was in Bahrain. One day, I met a local man and fell in love for the first time in my life! I even bought a beautiful wedding dress. It seemed like a fairytale start for my life. The sad truth was I had no idea that my Arab boyfriend did not intend to marry me. He saw me as a meal ticket out of Bahrain, and he left to the States. I visited him briefly, but it all fell apart and I was deeply heartbroken.
A Cry For Help I left Bahrain and returned to my parents who were now in Germany, disillusioned with my life. My life suddenly started to spiral out of control. During my childhood, I had experienced mental health problems, and my parents had swept them under the carpet not wanting to bring any sort of scandal upon the family and the embassy. But in hindsight, I actually had an illness similar to bipolar, with extreme highs and lows, intense fear of being alone, extreme loneliness and emotional pain. I had started to cut myself, but no one in my family wanted to notice my cry for help as perhaps they were hoping it would go away, although the symptoms were so obvious.
A little later, I met a man at a nightclub scene, who seemed to give me the excitement I so often searched for whilst I was low. I had no idea that I was actually stepping into the doorway of a wicked den. He had evil intentions whereas I was innocent. Soon, he started to groom me and I ended up sleeping with men for him for money. Caught in these gray webs, I soon became hooked on cocaine and alcohol. I continued on it as it masked the dreadful pain I was in. My pimp and I went to live in London. I worked for escort agencies and madams, earning a huge amount of money for him. I wasn’t interested in the money, my soul was deteriorating fast, I became addicted to ecstasy tablets, and anything else to take me away from the life I was leading. I was a walking time bomb, and my pimp finally left in disgust. I was no longer any use to him in my state. I ended up in hospital after attempting to kill myself, and on another occasion after a birthday celebration that continued for three days, I slipped into my second coma. I woke up a week later with bottles of vodka and empty sleeping tablets surrounding me. I still had some fight in me and I checked into a rehabilitation center where Eric Clapton had previously checked into. I thought after six weeks, I would never drink again and I would be healed. I was on a natural high, life was good! After I got out, I decided to do a degree and did a BSc (honors) in psychology. Surely, my life was about to change…. I rented a house and looked for a lodger, without checking him out, a big mistake! Once again, I had let danger slip into my life. When I asked him to leave because he was untidy and made a mess, he punched me several times in my face and pushed my head through a glass window. He was charged with GBH, but I was left with PTSD. I drifted back to drugs and alcohol to make sense of my life. I hung out with drug dealers and once again, my life spiralled out of control. At one point, I was put in a safe house by the police who feared for my life after I gave evidence against a drug dealer. I was so lost and I cried out to Jesus on a regular basis.
Wanting desperately to have security in my life, I met and married a man, a drunk and an abuser of women. For two and a half years he beat me up. At first he made me feel so safe, he controlled my every move. I loved the fact that a man wanted me exclusively for himself, if I was even ten minutes late, he would accuse me of having an affair. Every week, I had black eyes, he broke my jaw, my ribs, but the names he called me were worse. I had told him the truth about my past, and he called me a whore and the truth was, I was a very dedicated wife, and I would never ever dream of looking at anyone else. He slept with other women and the physical attacks on me got worse. The police told me if I didn’t leave, I would be dead soon. I had chronic PTSD. One night, I was asleep, and I woke up with a fist crashing into my face. I screamed out to Jesus to help me. My husband laughed and told me Jesus wasn’t interested in me. At that moment, my eyes suddenly opened and the thick veil clouding me lifted. I knew it was time to leave. I packed a few things into a plastic bag and hid them under my bed, waiting for an opportunity to run away. My husband told me if I left him, he would kill me and I knew he would. The day arrived, I escaped and never looked back – a new chapter of my life had begun.
The Biggest Betrayal I started to rebuild my life, I wanted a relationship with Jesus so bad, and I never stopped talking to Him. I found work as a support worker and met a lovely family who became my friends. I bought a dog, which I saw as my child. I didn’t want another relationship with anyone again. I became a celibate. I was still suffering from bouts of loneliness and depression, but I felt that a new chapter had opened in my life and a fresh new beginning was opening up. Although I had friends at church, I always felt isolated by my past, I felt I just didn’t fit in, it was like I was living on the outside looking into life. I had been baptized and filled with the Spirit and it was just a matter of getting to know my beautiful Heavenly daddy properly. I must have been terribly naive, the father of the family who were my friends did not see me as his daughter’s friend, and he lusted after me.
Then, the very biggest betrayal of my life was yet to take place. I left to live on an island in the south of England, an hour away from my friends. I had a beautiful life with a spirit-filled fellowship, I was happy, I felt really close to the Lord. One day there was a knock on the door, two friends whom I recognized as friends of the family on the mainland were there. I invited them in and made them coffee. They slipped a drug called GHB into my drink, kidnapped me and took me to the man’s house. There a group of them raped me and kept me hostage for three days. The majority of the time I was drugged, but I remember enough, when I finally got back home, my mental health had deteriorated so much that I didn’t feel safe again for the next five years.
Winds of Change I left the island and drove up to Scotland. My friend who was also a celibate came with me. He loved the Lord and when my pastor told me that we couldn’t live under the same roof unmarried, we did the right thing and married, we are married celibates serving the Lord.
I’ve spent the last five years pressing into the Lord and getting healed. A year ago, I started on Google+ .(2015) I am a new creation in Christ Jesus, the old is gone!!! I am a Princess, the past is gone forever!! In fact, God has renewed my mind totally! I no longer have depression or PTSD. I am blood washed by the Lamb of God. I wear righteous robes of white and I’m filled with the Holy Spirit. I’ve learnt to love people.
Isaiah 61:10 10 I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For He has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of His righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
I need to tell you something really amazing, I put off writing this testimony for a long time after the Holy Spirit told me to write it. Each time I went to write it, grief consumed me and I couldn’t stop crying, I felt nauseous throughout and sick. However, after it was written, I felt deeply healed and reading it back, I now don’t feel a thing, even the shame has gone, so I really recommend sharing testimonies as long as the Holy Spirit has given the go ahead. Don’t attempt to do it without His saying so brothers and sisters, you could do a lot of damage, but I know God is calling for more people to come forward, after all, it’s God’s glory!
Glorious New Life The moment I started to live seriously for Christ is the moment my life truly started to take shape as I saw God’s transforming power shaping my existence. God’s Word comes alive in an altogether beautiful way when we step out in faith, living and breathing His energy. Jesus is the air that we breathe and it’s Jesus who gives us our daily dose of energy. I no longer relied on my efforts and my former anxiety and insecurities seem to pass away as if they had never been a part of my life. I praise God for delivering me from a life where PTSD ruled each day, and where I was so often isolated in the four walls of my home.
A Christian’s life is very different from the culture we live in, I started to see life as an opportunity to love others and to serve God faithfully. I started to work and support people going through similar life problems to the ones I had been through. As I behold the faces of those in bondage, I see clearly where the Lord would have me walk. I see the desperate need to love unconditionally, the need for a radical compassion, the need to put lives before my own desires and wants. It’s a magnificent life of serving which is the template Jesus gave us. Today I embrace suffering in a new way and I am always strengthened by it. Through suffering God comforts us, He cares about the details of our pain, God works all things out for the good of those who believe and trust Him, God desires for us to see and experience His blessings through our brokenness. It’s in God’s love that fear and anger will be quenched. God Carries us through our trials just as He parted the Red Sea for the Israelites. He makes a way for us each time, I experienced this when losing a close friend and many other times since. God never promised that this life would be easy. As a matter of fact, He said there would be pain and that this world is not our home, it’s in those moments that i realise that i need God to help me overcome, pull me out of the pit and give me strength to get up. Because there will be many trials and pits in the future of this I am certain, as the life of a Christian is one of continual overcoming until we meet our Saviour face to face. A very important decision I had to make was forgiving myself and others, I realised how crucial this act was for my heart to flow freely unhindered. I was shocked to find out that I had a deep-seated loathing for myself which I needed to repent of and ask Jesus to deliver me from. I asked the Lord to penetrate my heart with a new vision of how He saw me, I am now able to see the righteous and beautiful bride that He died to claim. We have hope in Jesus and a life that is everlasting and fulfilling. We understand the beauty of God’s design when we pay attention to the things He does for us. He sent His Son to give us life and our life is secure because of Jesus. ” Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.” ( John 6:35) Becoming a Christian in this life is learning to know God and experiencing His love. Life is all about knowing God, experiencing His beauty and divine purpose, His miracles and Creation. Life is experiencing genuine thankfulness, healing, spiritual gifts and anointing from the Holy Spirit. Life is Heaven on earth and discovering the supernatural. Life is being a temple for the Holy Spirit to live in. Jesus is Life!
Janet lives in Scotland with her husband, John, and their precious dogs. Janet is a beautiful and compassionate lady, always reaching out. She is a sensitive soul, loves the Lord with all her heart. She is generous, spontaneously led by the Spirit to help others, and a great joy and blessing to many, many of us. She has a wonderful supportive church in Scotland. Her life is a blessing and I know her testimony will help many ladies. In Jesus, we are pure and as white as snow.
On reflecting on Jan’s testimony, some thoughts came, once God rescues us, and if we are still living in the same area of predators, we need to move from there. Predators always know our weaknesses, and use our past to their advantage. We are as innocent doves, but they are like poisonous snakes. They have friends who will also try to move to attack. While many feel it is not possible to move out of their home areas, unless the predators are gone, there will be another day when they aim to attack. Be safe, get out of their periphery.
Rita
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